8 years on

Previous post was a test and looks like this place is still functional even after… 8 years!!! I am amazed and relieved. Amazed that I am actually writing this, and relieved because I miss the days of spilling every thought and feeling onto this page which certainly had an effect of helping me to cope with my deepest emotions - fear, trepidation and a whole myriad of other feelings, while navigating my way through the complexities and simplicities of what we call LIFE.

At many points in my life, between the silence of 2014 to 2022, I contemplated returning and seeking comfort in this little diary. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I was so caught up with all the events of these unbelievably exciting and crazy (good and bad sense) years, that I always procrastinated or forgot to come back to this place. 

At some point, I stopped using Facebook (now Meta) and started using Instagram (also owned by Meta lol), but it’s concept of posting fleeting and almost superficial captions accompanied by photos (only the glammest and happiest ones make it), never gave me the satisfaction of using this place where I can reflect, craft and pen the very thoughts that fill my mind. Not to mention, the joy (or cringe haha) of reliving those moments as I read through the old posts. I am extremely glad that the thoughts and ideals, dreams and fears, frustrations and joy of my teenage self have been cpatured here, and it intrigues me as I reflect on how those formative years have influenced what I do and believe in today, and how my perspectives have changed or developed since. The same way I’m reading these at 28 years old, I want to be able to laugh and tear as I look back at 38, 48, 58 and beyond.

At this point, I want to make a note that in my immaturity and/or lack of awareness, I realize I had made some mean and insensitive comments or statements in my older posts. While I am glad that I can recognize and discern these “wrongs” today, I am ashamed and truly apologetic to those I have hurt, maybe not from these posts per se, but even just my unwelcoming attitude or insensitive remarks or jokes in our daily conversations. I yearn to take more responsibility in my words and actions, and extend my understanding towards others I may have once marginalized.

8 years is a tremendous lot to catch up on- what I have experienced, learnt and basically, lived. It overwhelms me, and I feel regretful to some extent, not returning to this place earlier. But today I have taken the first step, and I am proud of that. I will be back!!!

Hello World

Hello world

akama mikiiiiiii

So prettyyyyyyyyy!!!!! :) 

hahaha everyone's discussing her r/s with a guy 12 years older than her and i am gushing about how pretty she is.

Life lessons

Woots yet another sem down!

It's a well deserved one month break ahead for us i guess :)

This sem's been a tough one. Not quite academically. Ok correction, academics was tough. But it was a test of my patience, resilience, independence etc too. Let me explain.

Decision-making (and how to ward off unhealthy competition)
Well whether or not we liked it, SEP applications opened this sem so we had to do what we dreaded most. Like writing our personal statements,  deciding our schools (sharing freely about our choices to those we trusted and tactfully declining to tell those that did not trust us enough to tell us their choices). Mutual thing I guess. Anw, let's hope for the best.

Resilience, Independence, Prioritizing
Unexpected event that left me pretty helpless. The sadness still hits us sometimes. But i guess it's time to move on (only time will heal). Parents were not in Sgp in that craziest week. Physically and mentally drained (but had to make sure I didn't fall sick/ neglect school work, SEP apps, Term paper). 

Patience and more patience
PGP office was really testing my patience when my transponder failed to work and they were pretty inefficient. Could say I was close to strangling chickens then. Glad I don't have to deal with them anymore. And hopefully never again.

Stress/Nervousness-management
2 viva (oral test with a mse examiner for 2 hours on what we did/learnt from labs this sem), and 2 interviews (internship/ sep). 

Being less-technology reliant
Well my laptop spoiled (clap clap, one year old only). I must say fujitsu was really a disappointment this time. Their tablet pc lasted me 6 years though. IT care/ Fujitsu had better repair it soon! Stop saying there is no problem! 

Letting the body re-charge
So yeah, yet another person i know in uni (engin faculty to be specific), has fallen into the whirlpool of immense stress and competition. It's a good thing he recognized the problem and is currently seeking psychiatric assistance. But yeah, i guess i was close to/ actually did feel burnt out. Especially the week before recess week (after all that chionging for viva/ pgp issues/ internship stuff). I just couldn't study. Couldn't at all. Not that I didn't want to. I opened my notes, sat in front of them and read. But nothing went in. They were just a pool of words with no meaning. I freaked out and called zy who told me to go rest early and see how the next day. I took his advice (with much hesitance and uncertaintity) but it worked out fine! The next day i could study better. Guess it was just my body telling me "Battery low!!".

Anw, no wonder ppl say uni is more than just academics. You pick up important life skills. Yep, as much as it was damnnn draining, i'm proud to say i survived the sem and am now gonna prep for christmas and just have LOADS OF FUN this hols!! :D

I'm so melting in this heat...  Maybe i'll evaporate over the night and tmr, i won't exist anymore.

Story of my life :)

Birds can't commit suicide

I actually enjoy watching birds hop around the edge of parapets or window ledges and then fly away (preferably downwards), because they look like they are committing suicide. 

So it just occurred to me, everytime i see this happen i'll scream in my mind "noooo don't jump!". Then when the bird flies off, i'll go "oh nooo it jumped :(" in my mind. I emphasize "in my mind" because obviously i don't think the people around me will take it too well if they actually knew what i was thinking or if i started shouting those words at the bird. But anyway, back to the story... i'll just chuckle (inwardly) at my own randomness afterwards and continue with whatever i was doing.

The only birds that can commit suicide are penguins, emu and ostriches haha.

Antibiotics :)

Diahorrea is bad.

Pee and diahorrea combined is worse.

Bloody pee (when u're having your period) and diahorrea is the combo-breaker i tell you. You get thick chocolate and strawberry syrup on the toilet paper after that. 

And I had it THREE times today. Combo-breaker x 3. Yeah baby, new highscore.

Now i'm staring at my half-eaten dinner of sweet and sour fish rice (which by the way,  has very thick red gravy over it), wondering what i should do with it.