8 years on

Previous post was a test and looks like this place is still functional even after… 8 years!!! I am amazed and relieved. Amazed that I am actually writing this, and relieved because I miss the days of spilling every thought and feeling onto this page which certainly had an effect of helping me to cope with my deepest emotions - fear, trepidation and a whole myriad of other feelings, while navigating my way through the complexities and simplicities of what we call LIFE.

At many points in my life, between the silence of 2014 to 2022, I contemplated returning and seeking comfort in this little diary. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I was so caught up with all the events of these unbelievably exciting and crazy (good and bad sense) years, that I always procrastinated or forgot to come back to this place. 

At some point, I stopped using Facebook (now Meta) and started using Instagram (also owned by Meta lol), but it’s concept of posting fleeting and almost superficial captions accompanied by photos (only the glammest and happiest ones make it), never gave me the satisfaction of using this place where I can reflect, craft and pen the very thoughts that fill my mind. Not to mention, the joy (or cringe haha) of reliving those moments as I read through the old posts. I am extremely glad that the thoughts and ideals, dreams and fears, frustrations and joy of my teenage self have been cpatured here, and it intrigues me as I reflect on how those formative years have influenced what I do and believe in today, and how my perspectives have changed or developed since. The same way I’m reading these at 28 years old, I want to be able to laugh and tear as I look back at 38, 48, 58 and beyond.

At this point, I want to make a note that in my immaturity and/or lack of awareness, I realize I had made some mean and insensitive comments or statements in my older posts. While I am glad that I can recognize and discern these “wrongs” today, I am ashamed and truly apologetic to those I have hurt, maybe not from these posts per se, but even just my unwelcoming attitude or insensitive remarks or jokes in our daily conversations. I yearn to take more responsibility in my words and actions, and extend my understanding towards others I may have once marginalized.

8 years is a tremendous lot to catch up on- what I have experienced, learnt and basically, lived. It overwhelms me, and I feel regretful to some extent, not returning to this place earlier. But today I have taken the first step, and I am proud of that. I will be back!!!