My life is dead. I'm going crazy.

I'm going crazy. Life doesn't even feel like its alive now.

Don't know what's happening to me... Was so dead on thurs during NP, when everyone else was crying. I can't believe it myself - I was just sitting there, looking about and stoning. With NO emotions at all. Probably the first signs of craziness. I would usually be the first one expressing my anger/disappointment... but I just sat there and watched.

And I seriously don't know what came over me today. Maybe it was the anger. It was just a sudden burst of emotions. Second signs of craziness: Having sudden burst of feelings, totally not what you expected.
I just started crying when talking to _______ halfway about NP. Right there in church. In front of everybody. Or at least one-third of lyncers. Just couldn't stop it. Downright embarrassing. No one really showed any interest in why i was crying, but i guess they were all wondering in their hearts.

I don't think i can survive any longer... I definitely need God's love and assurance. I pray that He will guide me and hold me close, give me the courage no matter what happens now.
I love God, I need God.